Marlene Henrique Roessiger · Thursday, December 1, 2016
"For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death." 2 Corinthians 7:10 "
And crawled toward my husband with an anguish in my soul and asked him to forgive me." But that request was not just one more, that moment was not like any other, every part of my being was immersed with this overwhelming feeling, with this clear understanding of how I broke his heart and how out of line I was. Today, I understand what happened to me on that day: "And saith unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death..." Mark 14:34
This godly sorrow that Jesus and Paul talked about is what I need the most if I want to have an unbroken communion with my Father and with my brother. So many times, in my life, I am more like, "Yeah, I repent." "I am sorry." In other times, I am more like "I confess, but I don't repent." Even sometimes I would repent because I know enough about the spiritual realm and ended up acting on "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath" because of the fear of sleeping with satan more than any other motive. Being Christian for almost 30 years and being born again for about 17, I know really well the list of "DOS AND DON'TS," and I know pretty well what is holy and what is not, the good and bad, righteousness and unrighteousness...But none of what I just mentioned in its own power can really lead me to that kind of repentance that will bring me right back to the Father, to salvation.
In so many areas, I keep walking in circles committing the same sins, never making a full turn around and walking in righteousness once and for all. And yes, after breaking God's commandments, I feel terrible, miserable, condemned, ashamed to the point that I end up taking action, but even a self-centered motive cannot lead me to true repentance. But always to death.... Read it again: "For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death." 2 Corinthians 7:10
Godly sorrow is a fruit of your own relationship with Him. It is a deep concern about the very idea of being separate from Him. It has nothing to do with fearing Satan or holy performance, but you cannot bear to be outside His presence. Jesus as a man in the garden, cried out: "Father, I am about to carry this sin on me, and I will be separate from you. I cannot bear it! I cannot bear it! My soul is exceedingly sorrowful!" Jesus was not talking about the fear of death, the pain of the nails, the humiliation, not even the betrayal! Oh, I need that zeal for this holy communion with God! Even unto death... "Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me." Matt 26:38
Wow! I see. My love for him is not even unto death! I really can and chose to be separate from Him every now and then. Sin or satan have no power over me! It is my choice. The love for myself makes me please myself! I understand now that without godly sorrow, I can never be a hater of sin. Because every now and then, your flesh will tell you, "Give me some of that sin," and the only thing that can stop you is your concern about being apart from your beloved! Even when you fall into temptation, you will run right back to him and will have that overwhelming feeling..."My soul is exceedingly sorrowful right now...I can't live without Him."
Without it, you can never be a doer of the Word. Why bother? You will be following the Word when you are having a good day, but during bad days you will end up being separated from him. You will chose to preserve your life but that will lead you unto death! You will lose it! You will go back to the vomit. It is this never ending crazy cycle. But once Godly sorrow hits you, that's the end of it! Believe me! You will never, ever, go back to the same place you were before! In my entire walk with Him, I have had few moments that now I understand...that godly sorrow led me to true repentance! But I long for more! I need to have more of it! I want to love Him more than myself. I want to wake up in the morning...Nothing will separate me from Him. I want to be persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate me from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord! (Rom 8:38-39)
I desire it! I am seeking it! Let godly sorrow be my bread! And grace and understanding will help me to rejoice in it! Everybody wants to be happy in their marriage, lives, ministries. I just want to be baptized in this Godly sorrow...in the depth of this understanding that sin sews the ripped curtain and keep me outside. I don't want to be outside, not even for a second, anymore...No more being sorry but not sorrowful! "Father, I am ready...deep me in it...deep me in it..." Marlene Roessiger